Last week we found out that #1 will be needing braces. Badly. I mean, I knew that his teeth were a little bit messed up, but when the orthodontist showed me his x-rays it looked like he'd been chewing on trucks. Luckily the orthodontist works with a payment plan for those who don't have insurance such as ourselves, but we will still be paying in the end $8,000. Let me write that again. $8,000. For teeth. To be straight. UnBelievable.

I was griping to a friend about the expense and she offered up an idea. You see, my mother in law has a quasi-farm. She raises chickens and the occasional pig or three. #1 is over there every day in the summer while hubby and I are at work and he helps out by doing chores. The other day he butchered 10 of her chickens and she offered to pay him if he finished butchering the rest. In chickens. What twelve year old wouldn't love to be paid in poultry?

My girlfriend had the bright idea to have #1 set up a chicken stand not unlike a lemonade stand. When she told me this I had the immediate visual thought of my son standing at the side of the road wearing overalls without a shirt and one strap undone, with a piece of hay jammed in his jacked up teeth, with dead chickens hanging from a stand that said:

Chikens $5!

In my vision he also spoke with a southern accent. Not sure why.

It may actually come to this.

So the scene in my house last night: It's 9:00 and I tell my two oldest boys to go and brush their teeth and get ready for bed. (the youngest had already passed out in his room watching Bugs Bunny, 'cause yeah, I'm an awesome parent) They go into the bathroom and we hear water running and the types of noises you usually associate with teeth brushing, then suddenly we hear our 9 year old screaming bloody murder. My husband reluctantly gets up to go and see what sort of shenanigans are going on after I make frustrated hand motions in his general direction. When he opens the door I see our 9 year old, who I shall call #2, sitting on the toilet, completely naked, clutching his hand as if it is broken and screaming as if it has been cut off. Our twelve year old, who I shall refer to as #1, is standing by the sink pretending that he has been doing nothing more than brushing his teeth. Because yes, he does think we are that stupid.

We were not able to ascertain exactly what occurred as #2 was to incoherent to explain and #1 wasn't fessing up to anything. So my husband took away both of their electronic privileges for a week. That means no computer, no video games, no TV, and no ipods. That means that I have two kids with nothing to do loafing around my house for the next week. Why is it that I got punished too?

Giving it a go.

So, for a while now many people around me have suggested that I write a book. The only problem with that is that I lack discipline and am inherently lazy. So with that in mind someone suggested that I try a blog instead.

Now, no offense to those who blog...but I just couldn't imagine that anyone would seriously want to read anything that I have to say. There are a few blogs that I read myself, but for the most part I view blogs as a sort of verbal diarrhea that is spewed into cyberspace with absolutely no merit or notice. You might say that it is hypocritical of me to write one. You would be right. But just ask my children and they will quickly tell you that I am a hypocrite. I don't even try to hide it. At my house, it is totally "do as I say not as I do". Call me crazy, but I don't think that a four year old should drink wine or watch reality television!

And so here I am giving this whole blog thing a go. Maybe no one will read it, and that is fine. If it does nothing more that give me an outlet to vent and make myself giggle at my own supposed wit, perfect.